happy mother's day to me...

...because I'm happy to be a mother. It truly is such a great blessing. Emi has been sick this week and last night I went up to her room to check on her after she fell asleep. Her sweet little face was right by the crib bars facing out and I just sat down and stared at her for awhile and marveled about how much she has changed my life and how very much I love her.

I thought I knew what it would be like to be a mother. I mean, I thought I had realistic expectations--especially going into it at a little bit older age. But there is really no way to anticipate the great opening of your heart that happens when your eyes fall upon your first born baby. With Emi and me it was love at first sight...for me anyway. But there are also so many challenges that come with motherhood that I also couldn't anticipate until I experienced them for myself with my own child. Emi was not an easy baby for the first 5 months of her life. I know some babies are much harder, but she was definitely not easy. Some days (mostly nights) I was more patient than others, I'll be honest, but soothing her, calming her and loving her were so natural. Even though it was tiring and frustrating at times, just knowing that she depended on me for everything kept me going in the middle of the night.

I can already look back over the short time I've been a mother and see mistakes I've made. Nothing monumental really, but things I wish I had done differently, moments I wish I had cherished a little more, chances I wish I would have taken to play with her for a few more minutes...stuff like that. I feel bad for Emi sometimes that she has to be the oldest because I'm sure I'll make the most mistakes with her, but I think she was blessed with a strong spirit to be able to still be okay. I really think she was born first in our family for a reason. She is such a loving little person and just exudes love to everyone around her. I am sure that Heavenly Father knew exactly which little spirit would need to come first to open my heart and prepare me for the rest of the ones that will join our family.

So as I sat and watched my baby sleep, I thanked Him for blessing me with this incredible little girl I love so much, and for trusting me with the divine calling of being a mother. I know what an important responsibility it is and I prayed for strength to live up to the potential I know He has blessed me with. Luckily, He has also blessed me with incredible mothers all around me-- my own mother, my mother-in-law, my sister, my sister-in-law, my stepsisters, my grandmother and so many aunts, cousins and friends-- to set an example for me and to support me in my own journey. Thank you to all of you...I look up to each and every one of you and hope that you have a wonderful Mother's Day.